Let me share little bit of myself tonight! Hahahahaha, preserving myself after been through rough medication and treatments these pass few months. Am glad God has watch over me throughout the effects of the meds.
Tcare! ❤
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Bonjour! An-yo haesaeyo! Greetings! Ola!
All I want is Jesus to be in my heart always and allow Holy Spirit to dwell in my heart to lead me the life that God has planned for me. I am thankful and grateful that all who love and have loved me. I love you all too❤❤ all because He has first love me and that I could love you all too. Muacks!!
Let me share little bit of myself tonight! Hahahahaha, preserving myself after been through rough medication and treatments these pass few months. Am glad God has watch over me throughout the effects of the meds.
Tcare! ❤
Let me share little bit of myself tonight! Hahahahaha, preserving myself after been through rough medication and treatments these pass few months. Am glad God has watch over me throughout the effects of the meds.
Tcare! ❤
Sunday, December 25, 2011
❤ the clingy one
Whole day in the mall, Adriel has been very clingy to me. Wherever I go, he must hold my hands and wont let go. Glad that he is treasuring the little time I have with him. Am grateful that day by day, the Lord grants healing and restoration upon his life. Keep the faith!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
❤ on Christmas eve
If I see Jesus this day face to face, and He look into me directly, what kind of look would be in His eyes?
Will I deny Him just like Peter did? Lord, I pray that this child's heart will always have a room for you. Pray that she will devote herself to you be it in good and bad times. She is a girl of less words but has big heart for you, Lord.
Forgive me Lord for the things that I have done and yet done. In this beautiful and peaceful night, I seek for your presence Lord. Take care of those who need you Lord. Listen to their cry, mourn and grief, may your love fills and surrounds them with your divine protection. Continue to be with us as we continue to adore that You are a Great and Almighty God. You're the Bright Morning Star. Use me mightily for Your kingdom Lord, let me be your salt and light and that I can be your earthly example to others too. Turn my darkness into light. Let the true meaning of Christmas is all about you. The birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ! Let your grace and mercy be upon us Lord. All these I pray in Jesus name, Amen!
Rachel ❤ Jesus
Will I deny Him just like Peter did? Lord, I pray that this child's heart will always have a room for you. Pray that she will devote herself to you be it in good and bad times. She is a girl of less words but has big heart for you, Lord.
Forgive me Lord for the things that I have done and yet done. In this beautiful and peaceful night, I seek for your presence Lord. Take care of those who need you Lord. Listen to their cry, mourn and grief, may your love fills and surrounds them with your divine protection. Continue to be with us as we continue to adore that You are a Great and Almighty God. You're the Bright Morning Star. Use me mightily for Your kingdom Lord, let me be your salt and light and that I can be your earthly example to others too. Turn my darkness into light. Let the true meaning of Christmas is all about you. The birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ! Let your grace and mercy be upon us Lord. All these I pray in Jesus name, Amen!
Rachel ❤ Jesus
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
It's a Tang Yuen Day
My very first experience to make tang yuen on my own. *pats on my back* hehehehe.... Though it may sounds silly to people but am really glad that Amy taught me how to make it. So glad and inspired.!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tcare!
I miss all the things that happening around me. I miss dad. I miss mom. I miss koh koh. I miss little sis and little bro. I miss everyone. My heart just misses. Sometimes words just not enough to express how much I care and love. I have learned to grow stronger even it was rough. Days and nights of tears is definitely painful but what is His plan for all these? I just know in my heart, it will be alright. Just need to confess it.
Even I also misses KayTeck, I always wonder whether I am doing the right thing. It's a pain when it don't work. Seeing pictures will just cause more pain. But I still care, words are just frozen in my mouth.
❤Rachel
Even I also misses KayTeck, I always wonder whether I am doing the right thing. It's a pain when it don't work. Seeing pictures will just cause more pain. But I still care, words are just frozen in my mouth.
❤Rachel
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A heart to heart night
All these I having been keeping to myself, indeed I still unable to hide. Its time to open and be honest. Three important men in my life.
Just a thing for me to confess myself. It was out of the blues that I actually done something that I wouldn't in a normal perspective. On the night, he is going to leave for UK and his plans to continue to work there have made me more sad. Honestly, I knew this would happened. On that Friday, my friends asked me whether I wanna go Genting to chill out after long postings. I said am not sure cos dad won't allow. And indeed dad didn't allow. For the reason being, he thinks am going out with him or perhaps meeting him in airport or something. And just making excuses to go Genting. It was true that I longed all these years to see him. It wasn't true that am going to meet him. I was sincerely just wanna rest myself from the stress, city and the fact that I am really sad that he is leaving. After long conversation with my dad and after my friends spoke to him on my behalf, he spoke all my weaknesses to them. As a normal young adult, this could be a crisis. However, I stood firm to probe myself that I don't do nonsense. I decided to leave for Genting.
Dad still calling me to convince me not to go. After awhile, he gave up convincing me. Instead he told my friends to watch over me. I felt like a prisoner but I couldn't be bothered. At one stage, I decided to turn back not going cos I dun want to screw things up just because of my stubbornness. I told dad am coming back. Out of his anger, he said why am I retreating. Is it because am afraid, and my friends are watching over me? I guess that sentence had challenged to the extent that I can't give in anymore. Then I decided to go.
When I came back, none in the family talked to me. I became silent and all. I didn't spoken this out because I think it involved between me and my family. However, dad realised he was wrong treating me that way all because of the hurt that I have caused him thru my darkest past. Koh also scolded me of my actions that I shouldn't provoke dad's anger. But I being firm, I cannot allow my life to be controlled cos I can rely on God for His help. Koh understand how I feel cos he felt the same too. But he wouldn't want to do anything about it cos he knows it won't work. I didn't give up. Someday I have to make my own life decision and be independent. Simple decision will lead to the next phase of my life. Man shall not fear man. Man shall only fear God almighty.
I indeed know I have done a lot of wrong and definitely it is difficult for him to trust me. Nevertheless, I still treasure my father and daughter relationship.
Few weeks later, I was taken aback of him to said that Kay Teck decided to put our relationship behind all things. I totally understand. But it made less me focus than I was with him before. I started to cry more than I could. I knew this would happen and it just matter of time. It made me more and more sad. I pretended all is good and all is fine in front my friends and family. I tried smiling even I knew it was bitter. God knows what best for the both of us.
Koh realised the change in me. He took the guts to asked how am I with Kay Teck. I knew I had no one to confide to and he is my brother. I told him all. Koh was sad for me but he told me to be stronger. And this might be testing for me to go through to be a stronger person. Not to think so much but to keep praying. It's not that he don't love you but the time is just not right. My heart sank. Just sank. I don't know what to do but just to have faith in the Lord in all I do and think. This conversation with Koh was really edifying. I felt that finally God answered my prayer again.
Today, I had another conversation with dad and mom. They are really worried of me. But the same time dad said he was really proud of me that Kay Teck and I was able to wait for each other. Well, he didn't know what happened months ago. He asked me how is he? Didn't you keep in touch with him? I was taken aback. Didn't you asked me to stop contacting him? I stoned over his question. I said we didn't talk d. We stopped. All I know that he just finished his exam and got a job in UK.
I asked why are you concerned about this? He said I maybe being harsh and said inappropriately to you but my heart is good to you. I worry that my daughter is growing up day by day and hope one day she could find the best bridegroom in her life. But dad, it's over. The relationship has stopped dad.
He asked why. I just said both of us are still studying and both side parents are not keen about us. Dad said I didnt say am not keen, it just you are not ready Rachel. Dad said he like him maybe 60% cos dad haven't met him before. But dad was impressed of his change. Yes, am impressed too. Dad asked me to keep praying and wait patiently. He will support me all the way.
It's midnight... It's Kay Teck's birthday. I am not sure whether should I call him and wish him the best birthday. I will let God decide and it not under my control. I will rest my faith and hope in Him.
Anyways, dear. God poured his love unto me and i just wanna wish you silently tonight. Am sorry cos am not strong enough.
Blessed birthday, Kay Teck. . . :)
Just a thing for me to confess myself. It was out of the blues that I actually done something that I wouldn't in a normal perspective. On the night, he is going to leave for UK and his plans to continue to work there have made me more sad. Honestly, I knew this would happened. On that Friday, my friends asked me whether I wanna go Genting to chill out after long postings. I said am not sure cos dad won't allow. And indeed dad didn't allow. For the reason being, he thinks am going out with him or perhaps meeting him in airport or something. And just making excuses to go Genting. It was true that I longed all these years to see him. It wasn't true that am going to meet him. I was sincerely just wanna rest myself from the stress, city and the fact that I am really sad that he is leaving. After long conversation with my dad and after my friends spoke to him on my behalf, he spoke all my weaknesses to them. As a normal young adult, this could be a crisis. However, I stood firm to probe myself that I don't do nonsense. I decided to leave for Genting.
Dad still calling me to convince me not to go. After awhile, he gave up convincing me. Instead he told my friends to watch over me. I felt like a prisoner but I couldn't be bothered. At one stage, I decided to turn back not going cos I dun want to screw things up just because of my stubbornness. I told dad am coming back. Out of his anger, he said why am I retreating. Is it because am afraid, and my friends are watching over me? I guess that sentence had challenged to the extent that I can't give in anymore. Then I decided to go.
When I came back, none in the family talked to me. I became silent and all. I didn't spoken this out because I think it involved between me and my family. However, dad realised he was wrong treating me that way all because of the hurt that I have caused him thru my darkest past. Koh also scolded me of my actions that I shouldn't provoke dad's anger. But I being firm, I cannot allow my life to be controlled cos I can rely on God for His help. Koh understand how I feel cos he felt the same too. But he wouldn't want to do anything about it cos he knows it won't work. I didn't give up. Someday I have to make my own life decision and be independent. Simple decision will lead to the next phase of my life. Man shall not fear man. Man shall only fear God almighty.
I indeed know I have done a lot of wrong and definitely it is difficult for him to trust me. Nevertheless, I still treasure my father and daughter relationship.
Few weeks later, I was taken aback of him to said that Kay Teck decided to put our relationship behind all things. I totally understand. But it made less me focus than I was with him before. I started to cry more than I could. I knew this would happen and it just matter of time. It made me more and more sad. I pretended all is good and all is fine in front my friends and family. I tried smiling even I knew it was bitter. God knows what best for the both of us.
Koh realised the change in me. He took the guts to asked how am I with Kay Teck. I knew I had no one to confide to and he is my brother. I told him all. Koh was sad for me but he told me to be stronger. And this might be testing for me to go through to be a stronger person. Not to think so much but to keep praying. It's not that he don't love you but the time is just not right. My heart sank. Just sank. I don't know what to do but just to have faith in the Lord in all I do and think. This conversation with Koh was really edifying. I felt that finally God answered my prayer again.
Today, I had another conversation with dad and mom. They are really worried of me. But the same time dad said he was really proud of me that Kay Teck and I was able to wait for each other. Well, he didn't know what happened months ago. He asked me how is he? Didn't you keep in touch with him? I was taken aback. Didn't you asked me to stop contacting him? I stoned over his question. I said we didn't talk d. We stopped. All I know that he just finished his exam and got a job in UK.
I asked why are you concerned about this? He said I maybe being harsh and said inappropriately to you but my heart is good to you. I worry that my daughter is growing up day by day and hope one day she could find the best bridegroom in her life. But dad, it's over. The relationship has stopped dad.
He asked why. I just said both of us are still studying and both side parents are not keen about us. Dad said I didnt say am not keen, it just you are not ready Rachel. Dad said he like him maybe 60% cos dad haven't met him before. But dad was impressed of his change. Yes, am impressed too. Dad asked me to keep praying and wait patiently. He will support me all the way.
It's midnight... It's Kay Teck's birthday. I am not sure whether should I call him and wish him the best birthday. I will let God decide and it not under my control. I will rest my faith and hope in Him.
Anyways, dear. God poured his love unto me and i just wanna wish you silently tonight. Am sorry cos am not strong enough.
Blessed birthday, Kay Teck. . . :)
Friday, December 9, 2011
Treasure of Heaven
it was difficult especially you're in this modern era.
it was a lure of the flesh before this happens
it was the both mind and soul of two young men and women
it was the influence coming from the mass media,
it was a taboo, now it becomes a norm,
a man's conscience thus had turned numb.
i was fertilised,
mom started having symptoms,
dad was shaken by the truth,
i was wondering how this world would be,
i was imagining the colours of the rainbow,
i was made out of human flesh and lust,
i didn't know what's out there.
she wrapped me in my blanket,
she placed me among the flies and insects,
it didn't crossed her mind that i would be hungry, thirsty, itchy,
no one knew,
till i cried in despair.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
(Psalms 139: 13 - 16)
it was a lure of the flesh before this happens
it was the both mind and soul of two young men and women
it was the influence coming from the mass media,
it was a taboo, now it becomes a norm,
a man's conscience thus had turned numb.
i was fertilised,
mom started having symptoms,
dad was shaken by the truth,
i was wondering how this world would be,
i was imagining the colours of the rainbow,
i was made out of human flesh and lust,
i didn't know what's out there.
she wrapped me in my blanket,
she placed me among the flies and insects,
it didn't crossed her mind that i would be hungry, thirsty, itchy,
no one knew,
till i cried in despair.
AM DEFINITELY AGAINST BABY DUMPING
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
(Psalms 139: 13 - 16)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The song in the Air
Last Sunday, the pastor spoke on a powerful message that has imparted closely to my heart.
This song inspired my heart to be humble and rest all my worries upon Him.
This song inspired my heart to be humble and rest all my worries upon Him.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise,
The city of our God, the holy place
The joy of the whole earth.
Great is the Lord with whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
we bow down on our knees.
And Lord we want to lift Your name up high
And Lord we want to thank You for the work You've done in our lives
And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal throughout earth and heaven above.
The city of our God, the holy place
The joy of the whole earth.
Great is the Lord with whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
we bow down on our knees.
And Lord we want to lift Your name up high
And Lord we want to thank You for the work You've done in our lives
And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal throughout earth and heaven above.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Joy of Thanksgiving
If we do not believe that we are deeply dependent on God for all we have or hope to have, the very spring of gratitude and faith run dry - John Piper. Thus, deny yourself the right of complaining, embracing instead the deep seated joy of thanksgiving in all things.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
If only
Reminds me about the day I met him in cf and the day in library. I did the most embarrassing thing. I wanted to wave hi but I saluted. He smiled and laughed at my silliness. He is one of the person that has made so much happier and joyful. D day he left is the day I fell for him. It was unexpected, but he won my heart. I miss his smile, I miss confiding in him. I miss him so much. If only, I could let it go. Only God knows how. Just help me Lord.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Yes!
Haha, I did it. Thanking to all for your concern, I hope this good news made your day and my day. Same to both my dearie uncles who have been supporting me all this while financially. Without your support, I wouldn't been able to study in IMU. Thank God for your blessings! Well, did what?
Relieved of my anxiousness in waiting for my EOS 7 results. Yes, I passed and this time is much better. 3.23. But CGPA still the same though, hahaha.. Form 6 CGPA was 3.16 and now is 3.17. Ever since then, there's no difference in my CGPA. But am still thankful over all cos the Lord is with me. But I got news that Calvin didn't get through, kinda worrying me too. I dunno how is he doing now too. He didn't reply my text. Perhaps, now he needs time to concentrate, shouldn't disturb him for now. Just keep him in prayers...
Its been a long journey, reading back my reminiscence "I'm blessed", I am truly blessed. I never have thought that I could come this far. I really would shed lots of tears when I leave IMU for the better. Despite the difficulties, all this are possible with God. Yes and Amen!
Relieved of my anxiousness in waiting for my EOS 7 results. Yes, I passed and this time is much better. 3.23. But CGPA still the same though, hahaha.. Form 6 CGPA was 3.16 and now is 3.17. Ever since then, there's no difference in my CGPA. But am still thankful over all cos the Lord is with me. But I got news that Calvin didn't get through, kinda worrying me too. I dunno how is he doing now too. He didn't reply my text. Perhaps, now he needs time to concentrate, shouldn't disturb him for now. Just keep him in prayers...
Its been a long journey, reading back my reminiscence "I'm blessed", I am truly blessed. I never have thought that I could come this far. I really would shed lots of tears when I leave IMU for the better. Despite the difficulties, all this are possible with God. Yes and Amen!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
When the clock strikes midnight again..
Am really sad. Koh asked me how's everything? It hurts me to revive it again. I tried to be strong in front of him. I made it as if I can handle it. I think I can. Don't worry. Time will heal and make it right. That's all I said.
Deep inside me crying. I have never been in this much crying before. The last time i cried so much is when i was with yvonne. She has no idea how to help me that time. I overcame it eventually. Now, I am trying to be strong again. Am trying not to be cry anymore. Am trying not to think of him. Am trying to make myself as busy as I can. Am trying to rest in the Lord. Am trying. Really... Tried... So tired of trying.
Can I just be myself? Be honest to all. Be honest to myself.
Deep inside me crying. I have never been in this much crying before. The last time i cried so much is when i was with yvonne. She has no idea how to help me that time. I overcame it eventually. Now, I am trying to be strong again. Am trying not to be cry anymore. Am trying not to think of him. Am trying to make myself as busy as I can. Am trying to rest in the Lord. Am trying. Really... Tried... So tired of trying.
Can I just be myself? Be honest to all. Be honest to myself.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Haih...
It's been a long day, dunno where went wrong. I wrote the email wrongly and dad wasn't happy. I didn't do according to his expectation. I guess it was my mistake. But somehow i dunno why is that my past need to be revived again? It hurts me so so much. I know I was once not good girl and am not proudly of it. My tears just kept falling and falling. Knowing that it turns out that am not in relationship hurts me more. Its not by me intentionally, but I dunno why am I feeling this way. Past is the past, it should be forgiven and forgotten. But indeed I still need to bear the consequences of my actions.
How I wish I could just cry more though my eyes are swelled and dried. My relationship fails, is there something wrong? How others can keep their relationship sacred and filled with love, joy, faith and peace? How do I keep mine?
I dunno....
How I wish I could just cry more though my eyes are swelled and dried. My relationship fails, is there something wrong? How others can keep their relationship sacred and filled with love, joy, faith and peace? How do I keep mine?
I dunno....
Monday, November 7, 2011
Back in my pigeon hole
Sweep, mop, mop and mop. Haha, it doesn't seem clean after several times. So I mop and mop again. :p finally it's clean! Yuhoo.
I have been in muar for 3 days, tmr will be going to Ipoh. Been helping dad in his business all along. I may not be keen in business very much, but I learnt a lot indeed. It takes a lot perseverance especially the client doesn't keep his word, losses and demanding clients. Well, clients are always right though. So as long as I can cope, it should be ok.
Adriel came out more comprehensive sounds today. He was intensely watching duncan and the repair club. Start to be jumping, skipping and sing-a-along although no words are out. Good progress boy! Hope to hear more especially our cute voice. Hehe..
Hopefully I can snap more pictures in Ipoh~~~
Till then....
I have been in muar for 3 days, tmr will be going to Ipoh. Been helping dad in his business all along. I may not be keen in business very much, but I learnt a lot indeed. It takes a lot perseverance especially the client doesn't keep his word, losses and demanding clients. Well, clients are always right though. So as long as I can cope, it should be ok.
Adriel came out more comprehensive sounds today. He was intensely watching duncan and the repair club. Start to be jumping, skipping and sing-a-along although no words are out. Good progress boy! Hope to hear more especially our cute voice. Hehe..
Hopefully I can snap more pictures in Ipoh~~~
Till then....
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Can't this history stops, let greater things begin?
I am hurt and I know it. Whatever I do is all denial of the fact that I need to move on. Am dreadfully angry and hatred of myself. Why do I keep hurting myself? Why am I trying so hard? Ever since the day he doesn't want to bring it further, I was hurt so much that I am gonna explode. I couldn't contain myself, the few weeks before I began to hope and pray history doesn't repeat itself. I began to be worried and lost a lot of weight. Well, the day did came. Its another dreadful thing. Losing you by my side is bad enough, asking for break up through phone is bad and worse more. This is second time I have experienced of all these 3 years. At this moment, I wish to burst out in tears and cry over it as I have been suppressing my tears.
Why is it had to be so tough? Why is it that am always ready to accept and understand all this? Lord, I know You know am all ready for this. But this is really tough. I can't be separated from my loved ones. No matter how far, how near, how distance, how much of discord, I still love them very much. It's definitely not the physical distance that affects me. It's the emotional tie that I had with him.
I never experience such intensity that my heart would be so anxious when am with him. I remembered one night I palpitated so much. I realised I really treasure this relationship so much. I treasured it till I shared almost all parts of my life. I just wish that all these are preparing us to be a better person. I always believe true love will prevail.
I dunno how long my faith could stand, by God's grace, He will preserve me.
Aja, Aja!
Love ya,
Rachel
Why is it had to be so tough? Why is it that am always ready to accept and understand all this? Lord, I know You know am all ready for this. But this is really tough. I can't be separated from my loved ones. No matter how far, how near, how distance, how much of discord, I still love them very much. It's definitely not the physical distance that affects me. It's the emotional tie that I had with him.
I never experience such intensity that my heart would be so anxious when am with him. I remembered one night I palpitated so much. I realised I really treasure this relationship so much. I treasured it till I shared almost all parts of my life. I just wish that all these are preparing us to be a better person. I always believe true love will prevail.
I dunno how long my faith could stand, by God's grace, He will preserve me.
Aja, Aja!
Love ya,
Rachel
A great day
I was surprised and impressed of him. Usually he don't hold my hand that often but today he held my hand all the time. I guess he misses me so much. Yup, I miss him too. Such adorable boy. I was so tired after sleepless nights of studying and yet still have to wait with mom, sis and Adriel in the shopping complex for dad to finish his work for couple of hours. Then, I started having my legs and feet cramped. Couldn't walk for awhile. But that didn't stop me.
Finally, I could play with him. Perhaps, he has understood how to play. Hahaha, I know it was childish running up and down letting him chase me in the shopping complex. But I dont mind, cos I have finally get to play and laugh with him.
He is more joyful and expressive than before. Am really in great joy and gladness that he has learnt and improved so much.
Adriel,love you very much ya! :)
Finally, I could play with him. Perhaps, he has understood how to play. Hahaha, I know it was childish running up and down letting him chase me in the shopping complex. But I dont mind, cos I have finally get to play and laugh with him.
He is more joyful and expressive than before. Am really in great joy and gladness that he has learnt and improved so much.
Adriel,love you very much ya! :)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Inspiring, Thank you Lord
In This House
We Do Second Chances
We Do Grace
We Do Real
We Do Mistakes
We Do I’m Sorry
We Do Loud Really Well
We Do Hugs
We Do Family
We Do Love
(I won't give up cos there's always second chances as the Lord says forgive 70 times 7)
fragile..
Arghh! I can't stand this anymore. I am not in good terms in this. Am so miserable and pathetic. Once bitten twice shy! I have tried to humble myself yet I feel this isn't right. Am I not wise? Am I stupid? Or just so blur puppy that I couldn't see what is in front of me? Wake up, Rachel. I could feel the crankiness in me to resist all these. I tried to keep all these dissatisfaction, just so I thought I should not vent any of this negative feelings. But I can't, it keep topping up. Let not you be stumbled by my negative feelings, let not you be affected. Lord, why I do have to feel this way? I may say I understand, I may nod, yet I just don't understand. I can do all things through Him, Christ my Lord. Well, let's just focus in my studies and swipe all these away. Ya, that's better. Perhaps, bury in deep and the deeper the better.
Your troubled child,
-rae-
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Teaching
I always wish I could do my best in my studies to glorify God and make my parents proud of their bringing me up this far. I wanna thank God for an A for Teaching tests cos He taught me through so far. My daddy and mommy has been guiding and teaching so much this far. I was known as a very technical person, going into too much details and sometimes people can't understand me. I learnt to be simple, short and sweet. So I thank God that He imparted His word upon me. Use me as your instrument to shine Your light upon others too.
Thank you Jesus for Your love for me!
Thank you Jesus for Your love for me!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Joy of Remembering
A Psalm Of David. Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:1-14 NKJV)
And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:1-14 NKJV)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Cry for awhile, Cheer for long
Tuesday will be my finals for teaching. Rachel, you have to stay alert and focus. Dun cry, just stay strong. Once all this is over, you be alright. *sighs* honestly, my heart aches. It doesn't feel good since the day. But I know this d pathway God wants for me. T.T
Saturday, October 1, 2011
我的帮助来自主
A Song of Ascents. I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore. (Psalm 121:1-8 NKJV)
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore. (Psalm 121:1-8 NKJV)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Tears in my heart
Haiz...Lord, help me to be stronger again. Lord, let me be who You want me to be. Is really hard, Lord. T.T I want to cry but I just can't. My workload and stress may be distracting me against all these, but I still need you Lord. You allow this to happen to me, help me to understand Your plans in all these Lord. I believe that I can continue to love and be loved. This heart and soul of Yours is crying. This girl once had chance and love and never regretted it. This ending isn't both wants but its meant for good. She once had the faith, now she wanna believe that she can have such faith.
Tell me if you would, and I miss you...
Love,
Rachel
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not seek its own, it is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues; they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
~1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8~Tell me if you would, and I miss you...
Love,
Rachel
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Slice Off!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Just a pathway
It has been days am trying my very best to stay away from worries, thoughts and etc. Sometimes I try to run away from it, but I just can't. The Lord knew this how it's going to happen and allow it to happen for a reason. No matter how explainable it can be, yet I doubt. I went for the challenges of skytrex, honestly it was nerve cracking. I could feel the fear runs up to my spine. My hands just shiver and my legs just tremble. Once I thought how it feels like to fly on a plane, now i know how it feels like to fly in the sky up to 22 meters high I guess. It was a good distraction as the night before was the biggest decision I ever faced. I just cried in my heart asking how it can be? How it could be? And why? No answer to that and I couldn't answer myself. Only God knows the answer.
However, how much am sad about it, how much I don't feel good about it, I still have to accept it. The matter of fact that this is real. It was once real that I have loved one so much and still is, it is real that I have to let go. I am resting in the arms of the Lord to guard my heart, trying not to break down, trying to keep myself in pieces and FOCUS! I want to pick up the phone and call! I want to text or email or whatever but i I can't do it, Longing to talk but unable to do it. When it gets deeper, it is more hurt. Yup, indeed it is deep and I treasure it loads. So Rachel, keep yourself together. You once can, you can. :)
Listening to my parents voice make me wanna talk to them more but it's time for me to just work out my life on my own with God guiding me. Can't afford to make them worry anymore. Dad sometimes hinted me, r u ok? Anything? I know he knows cos am born of him. He knows his daughter in and out. That's why am glad to have my parents.
People say it's lucky to be lucky. But I dun think so. I believe the Lord guide me through this circumstances so that I can be better person. How much I can take it? Just trust and obey. I will be faithful in everything I do. The Lord once changed my life and I dun want to turn my back from Him.
Today in geriatric ward, a patient of mine made my day. He told me, "you're a very good girl from the first time I saw you, you're caring to your patient" and i thank God for the edifying remarks. It indeed brightens up my day. Without you Lord, I am nothing, use me as a vessel of Yours to shine your light upon others. He was a journalist from a Chinese newspaper and apparently he has been observing me. He was a nice person, hahaha old enuf to be my grandpa. He said you're still young, dun worry, you will have a good guy that will love you very much. Haha, I just smiled. Maybe the Lord is using Him to speak to me. To reassure my heart. That's all I wished for. Just peace, faith and reassurance. He was also very concerned man, always asked me to drink plenty of water. I always pacing up and down for the two bedridden patients I had in front of him. It was encouraging and inspiring. Elderly has loads of wisdom, just open your ears and listen. Am thankful for my day and glad for it. ^^
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)
So I shall wait. I still remember one of my post on YES, WAIT and NO. Glad that the Holy Spirit guide my conscience and intuition all the time. Maybe, it is a gift. :)
Love,
Rachel ;)
However, how much am sad about it, how much I don't feel good about it, I still have to accept it. The matter of fact that this is real. It was once real that I have loved one so much and still is, it is real that I have to let go. I am resting in the arms of the Lord to guard my heart, trying not to break down, trying to keep myself in pieces and FOCUS! I want to pick up the phone and call! I want to text or email or whatever but i I can't do it, Longing to talk but unable to do it. When it gets deeper, it is more hurt. Yup, indeed it is deep and I treasure it loads. So Rachel, keep yourself together. You once can, you can. :)
Listening to my parents voice make me wanna talk to them more but it's time for me to just work out my life on my own with God guiding me. Can't afford to make them worry anymore. Dad sometimes hinted me, r u ok? Anything? I know he knows cos am born of him. He knows his daughter in and out. That's why am glad to have my parents.
People say it's lucky to be lucky. But I dun think so. I believe the Lord guide me through this circumstances so that I can be better person. How much I can take it? Just trust and obey. I will be faithful in everything I do. The Lord once changed my life and I dun want to turn my back from Him.
Today in geriatric ward, a patient of mine made my day. He told me, "you're a very good girl from the first time I saw you, you're caring to your patient" and i thank God for the edifying remarks. It indeed brightens up my day. Without you Lord, I am nothing, use me as a vessel of Yours to shine your light upon others. He was a journalist from a Chinese newspaper and apparently he has been observing me. He was a nice person, hahaha old enuf to be my grandpa. He said you're still young, dun worry, you will have a good guy that will love you very much. Haha, I just smiled. Maybe the Lord is using Him to speak to me. To reassure my heart. That's all I wished for. Just peace, faith and reassurance. He was also very concerned man, always asked me to drink plenty of water. I always pacing up and down for the two bedridden patients I had in front of him. It was encouraging and inspiring. Elderly has loads of wisdom, just open your ears and listen. Am thankful for my day and glad for it. ^^
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)
So I shall wait. I still remember one of my post on YES, WAIT and NO. Glad that the Holy Spirit guide my conscience and intuition all the time. Maybe, it is a gift. :)
Love,
Rachel ;)
Be joyful and I shall tear no more! :D
Monday, September 5, 2011
The Lord is my Shepherd
Will history repeats on its own? I pray hard that this history will not repeat itself, with all my hopes and faith that the Lord will deliver me from the evil. The Lord understands the turmoil in my unexpressed heart. Pray for the courage. Pray for the strength. Pray for the wisdom comes from my mouth. Lord, grant me peace in my heart. The truth will set me free. Let it be truth, let it be your will. As circumstances will not fail me and you never fail to love me for who I am. I just wanna be in your embrace and rest assured.
~Your little child~
~Your little child~
Saturday, August 13, 2011
God Is Able
God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us
Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able
Friday, August 12, 2011
There's hope beyond the night
'keeping myself together resting on the hope and promises the Lord has for her. Lord, you recognize her as your daughter, protect her from the harm of the evil. I am sorry if am not good enough for you, not good enough to be person that you can rely on. but you know that everyone cares for you. stay in the light, not in the darkness. He loves you for who you are and even who you have become. it's been tough, tears shed yet you still walk away. what can I do or pray that one day the Lord will come and stir your heart out. Everyday, I worry that one day you will walk away from us. I don't know what I can do to be good enough. Will keep you in prayer, girl. :'(
Heavenly Father,
As I come into your presence in awe and surrendering myself to you. Lord, I lift up my lil sister to you, Lord. Lord, you know what's best for her and for every reason that she is going through. Help me to continue to rest in faith inYou that everything will be alright, keep her safe in your arms, keep her safe at all times. Provide your covering protection upon her as she decides of who she is becoming. Lord, guide her pathways towards righteousness in You, Lord. Forgive her for she does not know what she is doing. Grant me the strength to guide her, grant me wisdom to speak, grant me hope to believe in her Lord. She was once a blessed and obedient child, forgive her for who she has become. Father in heaven, I also pray for daddy and mommy as they weep in their hearts for us. The worries in dad, the shaky voice of mom, Lord, grant them faith in believing that all things come for good. Let this tears be shed for the pain You shed more for us. Thank you, Lord. May the Holy Spirit dwell in us and guide us to do things all for the glory of God. All these I pray in Jesus most precious name, Amen.
Heavenly Father,
As I come into your presence in awe and surrendering myself to you. Lord, I lift up my lil sister to you, Lord. Lord, you know what's best for her and for every reason that she is going through. Help me to continue to rest in faith inYou that everything will be alright, keep her safe in your arms, keep her safe at all times. Provide your covering protection upon her as she decides of who she is becoming. Lord, guide her pathways towards righteousness in You, Lord. Forgive her for she does not know what she is doing. Grant me the strength to guide her, grant me wisdom to speak, grant me hope to believe in her Lord. She was once a blessed and obedient child, forgive her for who she has become. Father in heaven, I also pray for daddy and mommy as they weep in their hearts for us. The worries in dad, the shaky voice of mom, Lord, grant them faith in believing that all things come for good. Let this tears be shed for the pain You shed more for us. Thank you, Lord. May the Holy Spirit dwell in us and guide us to do things all for the glory of God. All these I pray in Jesus most precious name, Amen.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
By midnight, when the clock strikes 12
I will treasure this moment,
As it marks August 12th, 2011.
Blessed Anniversary, dear.
May the Lord guides us through and May we rest upon Him in time of ups and downs. ^^
Lord, he loves me and we are committed into a long distance relationship. I love him and I know this is reality and I need You by my side to guide me through this relationship. I thought I slept and woke up with a dream and asking whether it is true. Yes, it is and You have heard my prayer. Guide me to be a women of faith. I pray that this relationship will honour and glorify You in righteousness.
We have been thru lots of obstacles and circumstances, I believe this had taught both of us to be a stronger person, to have faith, not to be weary.
After fasting/abstaining from each other for 1 and 1/2 years,
I know my dear is,
The one that can lead us to worship God and read bible together.
The one I love who loves You very much.
The one who loves his family very much.
The one who is faithful to me.
The one whom I shared most moments with.
The one that I want to count on.
The one that I want him to be in my heart.
The one that I want to hold his hands and walk with me.
The one that I have the key to his heart.
The one who will treasure me always no matter what.
The one who will support me through.
The one whom I will give support and serve You together.
I once wasn't ready and by God's grace, we waited for one another.
I once had that faith to wait, I shall continue waiting for the day when both of us can be in near distance one day. Cos I know what You have planned for me since I was born and everything we been through is for good. So I will stand and walk by faith. As we continue to dwell in Your presence, Your love continues to overwhelm our hearts to continue to love each other too.
Lord, thank you... ^^ Kay Teck, my dear am thankful for having you in my life. You wanna be a good doctor and be more Christlike. You hoped and prayed that you will get a girl who loves who you are. And am grateful the person is me. ^^ We both hoped and prayed. August 12th will mark 2 years and 2 months! We may have fasted for the past 1 and 1/2 years, yet our hearts still faithful. And we will be faithful by God's grace.
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors,
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one,
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
As it marks August 12th, 2011.
Blessed Anniversary, dear.
May the Lord guides us through and May we rest upon Him in time of ups and downs. ^^
Lord, he loves me and we are committed into a long distance relationship. I love him and I know this is reality and I need You by my side to guide me through this relationship. I thought I slept and woke up with a dream and asking whether it is true. Yes, it is and You have heard my prayer. Guide me to be a women of faith. I pray that this relationship will honour and glorify You in righteousness.
We have been thru lots of obstacles and circumstances, I believe this had taught both of us to be a stronger person, to have faith, not to be weary.
After fasting/abstaining from each other for 1 and 1/2 years,
I know my dear is,
The one that can lead us to worship God and read bible together.
The one I love who loves You very much.
The one who loves his family very much.
The one who is faithful to me.
The one whom I shared most moments with.
The one that I want to count on.
The one that I want him to be in my heart.
The one that I want to hold his hands and walk with me.
The one that I have the key to his heart.
The one who will treasure me always no matter what.
The one who will support me through.
The one whom I will give support and serve You together.
I once wasn't ready and by God's grace, we waited for one another.
I once had that faith to wait, I shall continue waiting for the day when both of us can be in near distance one day. Cos I know what You have planned for me since I was born and everything we been through is for good. So I will stand and walk by faith. As we continue to dwell in Your presence, Your love continues to overwhelm our hearts to continue to love each other too.
Lord, thank you... ^^ Kay Teck, my dear am thankful for having you in my life. You wanna be a good doctor and be more Christlike. You hoped and prayed that you will get a girl who loves who you are. And am grateful the person is me. ^^ We both hoped and prayed. August 12th will mark 2 years and 2 months! We may have fasted for the past 1 and 1/2 years, yet our hearts still faithful. And we will be faithful by God's grace.
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors,
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one,
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I shall mark these days!
Exactly around April or May 2009...it was a long awaiting journey... the Lord has seen us through our ups and down...we must thank the Lord for being with us this far and indeed grateful.
Lord, continue to see us through, make us stronger and faithful in you and in us Lord. Amen.
THE ROMANCE OF FASTING Have you ever been separated from a special loved one for a long period of time--or what seemed like a long period of time? Do you recall how it "hurt so good" to get a letter or a call during that time of separation? For a few precious moments it seemed as if your special someone was near, and that you were together once more. Then the letter or the call concluded, and the long wait to reconnect with your loved one began again. Although we belong to Jesus Christ; though He is our beloved and we are His, we are "separated" from Him by sin, by neglect, and by the cares of this world. We are "homesick" for Him in a way that is difficult to describe. John Piper calls fasting the "hunger of homesickness for God." Fasting is a discipline that woos us back into the romance of faith with our soon-to-return Bridegroom Jesus Christ. When we fast, competing suitors for the jealous love of Christ are revealed and destroyed. By abstaining from food for a period of time, the desire for it re-ignites our deeper hunger for the Bread of Life whose name is Jesus.
Matthew 4: 4
But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
A night of an answered prayer - May 1st, 2011
A night of togetherness - June 12th, 2011
Then....
It's August 4th. Another 8 days left, as it marks we are together for
2 years, 2 months. ^^
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Unexpected Day
Need some distractions....
Heheee...
Let's see how far have I achieved:
Chapter 1 research - done
Chapter 2 research - done, waiting for final approval
Chapter 3 research - done, waiting for final approval
Research critique - done, editing to be done
Nursing Theories - untouch >>> now in progress
Ageing Issues among Elderly - in progress >>> done
Peer teaching plan - done, waiting for final approval
Clinical teaching plan - done, editing, soon larh!
Teaching E-draft 1 & 2 - done
Teaching hardcopy - 15th Aug
Research Proposal - 15th Aug
Research & Statistics on 16th Aug
Errands for all must be done by 19th Aug
Heheee...
Let's see how far have I achieved:
Nursing Theories - untouch >>> now in progress
Teaching E-draft 1 & 2 - done
Teaching hardcopy - 15th Aug
Research Proposal - 15th Aug
Research & Statistics on 16th Aug
Errands for all must be done by 19th Aug
*phew*
Really need some distraction...
Then....
Bought dinner from Indian Aunty, she gave me a *wink*. RM4.00, she whispered. Awww.... That's so nice of her. :))
Read an inspiration note from someone whom I don't know. *word* of encouragement. Awww... That feels so good. :))
Read my e-mail and made my day. <3. Awww... Thank you dear.
Isn't it good when no matter how tough it gets, there's something good that God will bless us with. Only if we look at the brighter side of the day. The light shines brighter during the time of darkness.
God is good all the time,
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine,
Through the darkness night,
His light will shine.
God is good all the time.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Let's make a difference
Hehe, yes. I made a change and this is it. ^^ Though it's stressful, spare some time to do something out of research, assignments, teaching plans, etc...etc..etc...
*phew*
Isaiah 40: 31
but those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength.
I will soar on wings like eagles;
I will run and not grow weary,
I will walk and not be faint.
Be thou my vision, O Lord
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Adriel, u made my day!
Before leaving dad's car
Adriel: Bye bye bye.. *waving his hand towards me*
Me: Bye bye... * waved back*
I just stood there looking at him winding the window down.
Me: Bye bye Adriel! :D
Adriel: Bye bye... *quickly wind the window up*
I thought he misses me, but in the same time he is shoo-ing me.. hahahaha...
I love you!
Adriel: Bye bye bye.. *waving his hand towards me*
Me: Bye bye... * waved back*
I just stood there looking at him winding the window down.
Me: Bye bye Adriel! :D
Adriel: Bye bye... *quickly wind the window up*
I thought he misses me, but in the same time he is shoo-ing me.. hahahaha...
I love you!
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