I am hurt and I know it. Whatever I do is all denial of the fact that I need to move on. Am dreadfully angry and hatred of myself. Why do I keep hurting myself? Why am I trying so hard? Ever since the day he doesn't want to bring it further, I was hurt so much that I am gonna explode. I couldn't contain myself, the few weeks before I began to hope and pray history doesn't repeat itself. I began to be worried and lost a lot of weight. Well, the day did came. Its another dreadful thing. Losing you by my side is bad enough, asking for break up through phone is bad and worse more. This is second time I have experienced of all these 3 years. At this moment, I wish to burst out in tears and cry over it as I have been suppressing my tears.
Why is it had to be so tough? Why is it that am always ready to accept and understand all this? Lord, I know You know am all ready for this. But this is really tough. I can't be separated from my loved ones. No matter how far, how near, how distance, how much of discord, I still love them very much. It's definitely not the physical distance that affects me. It's the emotional tie that I had with him.
I never experience such intensity that my heart would be so anxious when am with him. I remembered one night I palpitated so much. I realised I really treasure this relationship so much. I treasured it till I shared almost all parts of my life. I just wish that all these are preparing us to be a better person. I always believe true love will prevail.
I dunno how long my faith could stand, by God's grace, He will preserve me.
Aja, Aja!
Love ya,
Rachel
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