Joy of Thanksgiving

If we do not believe that we are deeply dependent on God for all we have or hope to have, the very spring of gratitude and faith run dry - John Piper. Thus, deny yourself the right of complaining, embracing instead the deep seated joy of thanksgiving in all things.

Tears

A person who cries often doesn't mean she is weak but she has been strong for too long.

If only

Reminds me about the day I met him in cf and the day in library. I did the most embarrassing thing. I wanted to wave hi but I saluted. He smiled and laughed at my silliness. He is one of the person that has made so much happier and joyful. D day he left is the day I fell for him. It was unexpected, but he won my heart. I miss his smile, I miss confiding in him. I miss him so much. If only, I could let it go. Only God knows how. Just help me Lord.

Yes!

Haha, I did it. Thanking to all for your concern, I hope this good news made your day and my day. Same to both my dearie uncles who have been supporting me all this while financially. Without your support, I wouldn't been able to study in IMU. Thank God for your blessings! Well, did what?

Relieved of my anxiousness in waiting for my EOS 7 results. Yes, I passed and this time is much better. 3.23. But CGPA still the same though, hahaha.. Form 6 CGPA was 3.16 and now is 3.17. Ever since then, there's no difference in my CGPA. But am still thankful over all cos the Lord is with me. But I got news that Calvin didn't get through, kinda worrying me too. I dunno how is he doing now too. He didn't reply my text. Perhaps, now he needs time to concentrate, shouldn't disturb him for now. Just keep him in prayers...

Its been a long journey, reading back my reminiscence "I'm blessed", I am truly blessed. I never have thought that I could come this far. I really would shed lots of tears when I leave IMU for the better. Despite the difficulties, all this are possible with God. Yes and Amen!

When the clock strikes midnight again..

Am really sad. Koh asked me how's everything? It hurts me to revive it again. I tried to be strong in front of him. I made it as if I can handle it. I think I can. Don't worry. Time will heal and make it right. That's all I said.

Deep inside me crying. I have never been in this much crying before. The last time i cried so much is when i was with yvonne. She has no idea how to help me that time. I overcame it eventually. Now, I am trying to be strong again. Am trying not to be cry anymore. Am trying not to think of him. Am trying to make myself as busy as I can. Am trying to rest in the Lord. Am trying. Really... Tried... So tired of trying.



Can I just be myself? Be honest to all. Be honest to myself.

Haih...

It's been a long day, dunno where went wrong. I wrote the email wrongly and dad wasn't happy. I didn't do according to his expectation. I guess it was my mistake. But somehow i dunno why is that my past need to be revived again? It hurts me so so much. I know I was once not good girl and am not proudly of it. My tears just kept falling and falling. Knowing that it turns out that am not in relationship hurts me more. Its not by me intentionally, but I dunno why am I feeling this way. Past is the past, it should be forgiven and forgotten. But indeed I still need to bear the consequences of my actions.

How I wish I could just cry more though my eyes are swelled and dried. My relationship fails, is there something wrong? How others can keep their relationship sacred and filled with love, joy, faith and peace? How do I keep mine?

I dunno....

Back in my pigeon hole

Sweep, mop, mop and mop. Haha, it doesn't seem clean after several times. So I mop and mop again. :p finally it's clean! Yuhoo.

I have been in muar for 3 days, tmr will be going to Ipoh. Been helping dad in his business all along. I may not be keen in business very much, but I learnt a lot indeed. It takes a lot perseverance especially the client doesn't keep his word, losses and demanding clients. Well, clients are always right though. So as long as I can cope, it should be ok.

Adriel came out more comprehensive sounds today. He was intensely watching duncan and the repair club. Start to be jumping, skipping and sing-a-along although no words are out. Good progress boy! Hope to hear more especially our cute voice. Hehe..

Hopefully I can snap more pictures in Ipoh~~~

Till then....

Can't this history stops, let greater things begin?

I am hurt and I know it. Whatever I do is all denial of the fact that I need to move on. Am dreadfully angry and hatred of myself. Why do I keep hurting myself? Why am I trying so hard? Ever since the day he doesn't want to bring it further, I was hurt so much that I am gonna explode. I couldn't contain myself, the few weeks before I began to hope and pray history doesn't repeat itself. I began to be worried and lost a lot of weight. Well, the day did came. Its another dreadful thing. Losing you by my side is bad enough, asking for break up through phone is bad and worse more. This is second time I have experienced of all these 3 years. At this moment, I wish to burst out in tears and cry over it as I have been suppressing my tears.

Why is it had to be so tough? Why is it that am always ready to accept and understand all this? Lord, I know You know am all ready for this. But this is really tough. I can't be separated from my loved ones. No matter how far, how near, how distance, how much of discord, I still love them very much. It's definitely not the physical distance that affects me. It's the emotional tie that I had with him.

I never experience such intensity that my heart would be so anxious when am with him. I remembered one night I palpitated so much. I realised I really treasure this relationship so much. I treasured it till I shared almost all parts of my life. I just wish that all these are preparing us to be a better person. I always believe true love will prevail.

I dunno how long my faith could stand, by God's grace, He will preserve me.

Aja, Aja!
Love ya,
Rachel

A great day

I was surprised and impressed of him. Usually he don't hold my hand that often but today he held my hand all the time. I guess he misses me so much. Yup, I miss him too. Such adorable boy.  I was so tired after sleepless nights of studying and yet still have to wait with mom, sis and Adriel in the shopping complex for dad to finish his work for couple of hours. Then, I started having my legs and feet cramped. Couldn't walk for awhile. But that didn't stop me.

Finally, I could play with him. Perhaps, he has understood how to play. Hahaha, I know it was childish running up and down letting him chase me in the shopping complex. But I dont mind, cos I have finally get to play and laugh with him.

He is more joyful and expressive than before. Am really in great joy and gladness that he has learnt and improved so much.

Adriel,love you very much ya! :)

So worried

That paper was a killer. I can't rest in peace. Pls, Lord. Rest my heart... T.T