Consider it pure joy

It has been almost a year and half that I have been in this working industry. Those first time in everything have been a memory in my heart. I have learnt to be competent in my skills, patient in my behavior and less temperamental in my speech. First time seeing machines, colleagues, ICU/CCU, consultants and the challenges ahead of me. I was nervous. I can't describe how I actually feel. I felt my heart palpitated as if it is going to drop onto the floor. I know this is my world. God has His great plan and purpose to prosper me.

Today, 24/3/2014 - 1 year and 7 months and 10 days. In 5 months, I will be in the 2nd year of my serving this in line. It seemed far away, but I feel it is near. It is as near as it keeps me up and up with the pressure. Am I able to get through this? As 2 years kickstart, I need to decide whether I want to continue my studies or just settle with my current job. However, I couldn't see much of future in nursing when everyone picked their finger upon me. How would you feel when someone you loved so much kept worrying about you? How would you feel when someone you cared kept asking you decide for your future? I puzzled within my own thoughts whether should I continue nursing? Should I join venture in business with my dad? Should I join venture to build business with my brother? I have no background in business, know nothing about accounting, finance and etc. But somehow things just fall apart when I am indirectly still involved in business especially I had to take over dad's business including the latest Snug Vest. I can't generate good sales, thus I am very much involved in administration and management. Eventually, I thought should I take up MBA? Doing nursing have made me a robot as I am no longer involved in the family. My time are all spent up on my work and stress. I can't focus if I don't have enough sleep. I am worried if I don't rest, I won't perform up to the expectation and who knows I might make mistakes. And, this would be a deadly mistake if ever it happens. I tend to sleep at least 7 hours I hope just to compensate the depleted rest. However, my parents still complain. I know they care about my health. But what can I do? If I don't work hard, I won't be able to support the monthly allowance.

The pressure is rising upon me. Adriel began to have more autistic behaviours. Everyone can say "have faith". How? I began to doubt myself in my capability. What if Adriel doesn't get well and even deteriorate? How am I suppose to do? He is growing day by day. Oh God, speak to me. My relationship with elder brother have strained. One reason because he is so tied down by his job and career. He felt that I am not contributing much because I am earning less. I kinda felt that he has the same opinion as my parents. Not so keen into my career.

All these pressures that I am facing, I voiced out. However, it is pointless but it is another reasons for having excuses to be away from trials and tribulation. As said in James 1: 2-3; Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance. I have to remind myself this bible verse every now and then so that I do not lose faith and continue to fight with pure joy in my heart to the end. I have to stand firm in my faith to glorify God.