It has been days am trying my very best to stay away from worries, thoughts and etc. Sometimes I try to run away from it, but I just can't. The Lord knew this how it's going to happen and allow it to happen for a reason. No matter how explainable it can be, yet I doubt. I went for the challenges of skytrex, honestly it was nerve cracking. I could feel the fear runs up to my spine. My hands just shiver and my legs just tremble. Once I thought how it feels like to fly on a plane, now i know how it feels like to fly in the sky up to 22 meters high I guess. It was a good distraction as the night before was the biggest decision I ever faced. I just cried in my heart asking how it can be? How it could be? And why? No answer to that and I couldn't answer myself. Only God knows the answer.
However, how much am sad about it, how much I don't feel good about it, I still have to accept it. The matter of fact that this is real. It was once real that I have loved one so much and still is, it is real that I have to let go. I am resting in the arms of the Lord to guard my heart, trying not to break down, trying to keep myself in pieces and FOCUS! I want to pick up the phone and call! I want to text or email or whatever but i I can't do it, Longing to talk but unable to do it. When it gets deeper, it is more hurt. Yup, indeed it is deep and I treasure it loads. So Rachel, keep yourself together. You once can, you can. :)
Listening to my parents voice make me wanna talk to them more but it's time for me to just work out my life on my own with God guiding me. Can't afford to make them worry anymore. Dad sometimes hinted me, r u ok? Anything? I know he knows cos am born of him. He knows his daughter in and out. That's why am glad to have my parents.
People say it's lucky to be lucky. But I dun think so. I believe the Lord guide me through this circumstances so that I can be better person. How much I can take it? Just trust and obey. I will be faithful in everything I do. The Lord once changed my life and I dun want to turn my back from Him.
Today in geriatric ward, a patient of mine made my day. He told me, "you're a very good girl from the first time I saw you, you're caring to your patient" and i thank God for the edifying remarks. It indeed brightens up my day. Without you Lord, I am nothing, use me as a vessel of Yours to shine your light upon others. He was a journalist from a Chinese newspaper and apparently he has been observing me. He was a nice person, hahaha old enuf to be my grandpa. He said you're still young, dun worry, you will have a good guy that will love you very much. Haha, I just smiled. Maybe the Lord is using Him to speak to me. To reassure my heart. That's all I wished for. Just peace, faith and reassurance. He was also very concerned man, always asked me to drink plenty of water. I always pacing up and down for the two bedridden patients I had in front of him. It was encouraging and inspiring. Elderly has loads of wisdom, just open your ears and listen. Am thankful for my day and glad for it. ^^
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)
So I shall wait. I still remember one of my post on YES, WAIT and NO. Glad that the Holy Spirit guide my conscience and intuition all the time. Maybe, it is a gift. :)
Love,
Rachel ;)
Be joyful and I shall tear no more! :D
