Bittersweet?? Sighs.... I'm reflecting back my 20 years of life on Earth. The good and bad memories which I could not contain it in my mind. But God's Love was unfailing towards me. No matter what I do, He never fails to seek me diligently. Early of last year, I worked in a Christian Bookstore. One of my objective to seek God. I knew I did well in some parts and I knew I made mistakes. Sometimes it's really hard to understand His ways and I tend to follow my ways. Sometimes it's take something for a sacrifice to fulfill God's will. It's part of an adversity in life that I'm going through. However, as I keep believing in Him, I shall not be weary because I know I can hold on Him when I am weak.
I read a book called Right and Wrong Thinking by Kenneth E. Hagin. It is a wonderful book to read to increase my faith in God. I remembered when I asked Dad and he said Suffering is not from God but He allows it to happen for our own good so that we can turn back to him. It happens when we are not walking right with God, and Satan takes the opportunity to influence our mind. Kenneth Hagin said it all.
"If a sinner's thinking is straightened out to begin with, his believing made right, and his confession made right, then it will be much easier for him to "stay put". If he comes in on the wrong basis , the devil takes advantage of what he doesn't know and he becomes defeated and robbed of that which God has actually done for him. Of course, if he has not been taught the Word- to hold fast to his confession of faith-naturally the devil will camouflage the situation and try to make him feel that he is not saved. Because of little mistakes he makes, the devil tells him, "Well, you are done for, so now you may as well give up and quit".
It is hard to understand what God's plan underlying for me. I always think that God forgets about me but that happens when I am not walking right with God. I tend to forget what He has done for me and ask for more. I can't understand His will because I always want it to be my way. My selfish thoughts have never run dry. It takes a long long time for me just to realised how important for me to hold fast on my faith and keep believing that God is the Jehovah Jireh that will provide. I am also afraid that I will stumble again and start all over again. When I see other brothers and sisters in Christ who are growing faithfully in Christ, I felt alone. When I felt guilty and my conscience telling that I'm at wrong path, I will pray with the Lord's prayer. As I pray, I pour out all my emotions unto God. Sometimes people asked me why am I so calm? Because the Lord is in me! The work of the Holy Spirit is awesome and I can't comprehend. Lord Jesus died on the cross and rose again for our sins. He was sinless and persecuted by His own people yet His unconditional love saved from our sins.
Romans 10:9-10 says "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made to salvation."
I just can't imagine how wonderful God's love and I overwhelmed. I can never comprehend.. never.. It's just too wonderful.
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