Joy of Thanksgiving

If we do not believe that we are deeply dependent on God for all we have or hope to have, the very spring of gratitude and faith run dry - John Piper. Thus, deny yourself the right of complaining, embracing instead the deep seated joy of thanksgiving in all things.

Tears

A person who cries often doesn't mean she is weak but she has been strong for too long.

If only

Reminds me about the day I met him in cf and the day in library. I did the most embarrassing thing. I wanted to wave hi but I saluted. He smiled and laughed at my silliness. He is one of the person that has made so much happier and joyful. D day he left is the day I fell for him. It was unexpected, but he won my heart. I miss his smile, I miss confiding in him. I miss him so much. If only, I could let it go. Only God knows how. Just help me Lord.

Yes!

Haha, I did it. Thanking to all for your concern, I hope this good news made your day and my day. Same to both my dearie uncles who have been supporting me all this while financially. Without your support, I wouldn't been able to study in IMU. Thank God for your blessings! Well, did what?

Relieved of my anxiousness in waiting for my EOS 7 results. Yes, I passed and this time is much better. 3.23. But CGPA still the same though, hahaha.. Form 6 CGPA was 3.16 and now is 3.17. Ever since then, there's no difference in my CGPA. But am still thankful over all cos the Lord is with me. But I got news that Calvin didn't get through, kinda worrying me too. I dunno how is he doing now too. He didn't reply my text. Perhaps, now he needs time to concentrate, shouldn't disturb him for now. Just keep him in prayers...

Its been a long journey, reading back my reminiscence "I'm blessed", I am truly blessed. I never have thought that I could come this far. I really would shed lots of tears when I leave IMU for the better. Despite the difficulties, all this are possible with God. Yes and Amen!

When the clock strikes midnight again..

Am really sad. Koh asked me how's everything? It hurts me to revive it again. I tried to be strong in front of him. I made it as if I can handle it. I think I can. Don't worry. Time will heal and make it right. That's all I said.

Deep inside me crying. I have never been in this much crying before. The last time i cried so much is when i was with yvonne. She has no idea how to help me that time. I overcame it eventually. Now, I am trying to be strong again. Am trying not to be cry anymore. Am trying not to think of him. Am trying to make myself as busy as I can. Am trying to rest in the Lord. Am trying. Really... Tried... So tired of trying.



Can I just be myself? Be honest to all. Be honest to myself.

Haih...

It's been a long day, dunno where went wrong. I wrote the email wrongly and dad wasn't happy. I didn't do according to his expectation. I guess it was my mistake. But somehow i dunno why is that my past need to be revived again? It hurts me so so much. I know I was once not good girl and am not proudly of it. My tears just kept falling and falling. Knowing that it turns out that am not in relationship hurts me more. Its not by me intentionally, but I dunno why am I feeling this way. Past is the past, it should be forgiven and forgotten. But indeed I still need to bear the consequences of my actions.

How I wish I could just cry more though my eyes are swelled and dried. My relationship fails, is there something wrong? How others can keep their relationship sacred and filled with love, joy, faith and peace? How do I keep mine?

I dunno....

Back in my pigeon hole

Sweep, mop, mop and mop. Haha, it doesn't seem clean after several times. So I mop and mop again. :p finally it's clean! Yuhoo.

I have been in muar for 3 days, tmr will be going to Ipoh. Been helping dad in his business all along. I may not be keen in business very much, but I learnt a lot indeed. It takes a lot perseverance especially the client doesn't keep his word, losses and demanding clients. Well, clients are always right though. So as long as I can cope, it should be ok.

Adriel came out more comprehensive sounds today. He was intensely watching duncan and the repair club. Start to be jumping, skipping and sing-a-along although no words are out. Good progress boy! Hope to hear more especially our cute voice. Hehe..

Hopefully I can snap more pictures in Ipoh~~~

Till then....

Can't this history stops, let greater things begin?

I am hurt and I know it. Whatever I do is all denial of the fact that I need to move on. Am dreadfully angry and hatred of myself. Why do I keep hurting myself? Why am I trying so hard? Ever since the day he doesn't want to bring it further, I was hurt so much that I am gonna explode. I couldn't contain myself, the few weeks before I began to hope and pray history doesn't repeat itself. I began to be worried and lost a lot of weight. Well, the day did came. Its another dreadful thing. Losing you by my side is bad enough, asking for break up through phone is bad and worse more. This is second time I have experienced of all these 3 years. At this moment, I wish to burst out in tears and cry over it as I have been suppressing my tears.

Why is it had to be so tough? Why is it that am always ready to accept and understand all this? Lord, I know You know am all ready for this. But this is really tough. I can't be separated from my loved ones. No matter how far, how near, how distance, how much of discord, I still love them very much. It's definitely not the physical distance that affects me. It's the emotional tie that I had with him.

I never experience such intensity that my heart would be so anxious when am with him. I remembered one night I palpitated so much. I realised I really treasure this relationship so much. I treasured it till I shared almost all parts of my life. I just wish that all these are preparing us to be a better person. I always believe true love will prevail.

I dunno how long my faith could stand, by God's grace, He will preserve me.

Aja, Aja!
Love ya,
Rachel

A great day

I was surprised and impressed of him. Usually he don't hold my hand that often but today he held my hand all the time. I guess he misses me so much. Yup, I miss him too. Such adorable boy.  I was so tired after sleepless nights of studying and yet still have to wait with mom, sis and Adriel in the shopping complex for dad to finish his work for couple of hours. Then, I started having my legs and feet cramped. Couldn't walk for awhile. But that didn't stop me.

Finally, I could play with him. Perhaps, he has understood how to play. Hahaha, I know it was childish running up and down letting him chase me in the shopping complex. But I dont mind, cos I have finally get to play and laugh with him.

He is more joyful and expressive than before. Am really in great joy and gladness that he has learnt and improved so much.

Adriel,love you very much ya! :)

So worried

That paper was a killer. I can't rest in peace. Pls, Lord. Rest my heart... T.T

Inspiring, Thank you Lord

In This House

We Do Second Chances

We Do Grace

We Do Real

We Do Mistakes

We Do I’m Sorry

We Do Loud Really Well

We Do Hugs

We Do Family

We Do Love

(I won't give up cos there's always second chances as the Lord says forgive 70 times 7)

fragile..

Arghh! I can't stand this anymore. I am not in good terms in this. Am so miserable and pathetic. Once bitten twice shy! I have tried to humble myself yet I feel this isn't right. Am I not wise? Am I stupid? Or just so blur puppy that I couldn't see what is in front of me? Wake up, Rachel.  I could feel the crankiness in me to resist all these. I tried to keep all these dissatisfaction, just so I thought I should not vent any of this negative feelings. But I can't, it keep topping up. Let not you be stumbled by my negative feelings, let not you be affected. Lord, why I do have to feel this way? I may say I understand, I may nod, yet I just don't understand.  I can do all things through Him, Christ my Lord. Well, let's just focus in my studies and swipe all these away. Ya, that's better. Perhaps, bury in deep and the deeper the better.

Your troubled child, 

-rae-

Adorable Adriel

It's night d, sleep tight my dear. You're just so cute!!! :D love you very much!

주께서 나를 유지됩니다

사람을 사랑
그것은 아프다
그것은 인내를 필요
그것은 멈출 수가 없어
당신을 사랑
주께서 나를 유지됩니다

Teaching

I always wish I could do my best in my studies to glorify God and make my parents proud of their bringing me up this far. I wanna thank God for an A for Teaching tests cos He taught me through so far. My daddy and mommy has been guiding and teaching so much this far. I was known as a very technical person, going into too much details and sometimes people can't understand me. I learnt to be simple, short and sweet. So I thank God that He imparted His word upon me. Use me as your instrument to shine Your light upon others too.

Thank you Jesus for Your love for me!

The Joy of Remembering

A Psalm Of David. Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:1-14 NKJV)

Cry for awhile, Cheer for long

Tuesday will be my finals for teaching. Rachel, you have to stay alert and focus. Dun cry, just stay strong. Once all this is over, you be alright. *sighs* honestly, my heart aches. It doesn't feel good since the day. But I know this d pathway God wants for me. T.T

我的帮助来自主

A Song of Ascents. I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore. (Psalm 121:1-8 NKJV)

Tears in my heart

Haiz...Lord, help me to be stronger again. Lord, let me be who You want me to be. Is really hard, Lord. T.T I want to cry but I just can't. My workload and stress may be distracting me against all these, but I still need you Lord. You allow this to happen to me, help me to understand Your plans in all these Lord. I believe that I can continue to love and be loved. This heart and soul of Yours is crying. This girl once had chance and love and never regretted it. This ending isn't both wants but its meant for good. She once had the faith, now she wanna believe that she can have such faith.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not seek its own, it is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues; they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

~1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8~


Tell me if you would, and I miss you...


Love,
Rachel

Slice Off!

Ah, I cut my hair again. This time real short again. I feel my burden lifted up and it's lighter! :D Great start on avenue phase of my life.  I have this habit of cutting my hair to make myself feel better. Ya, I was sad, fretful but I know God's love will make me whole again. Just wanna feel joyful and blessed for the Lord is with me. I misses everything and one fine day, I can be the most joyful girl in the world. Cos I got JOY JOY JOY down in my heart, down in my heart, down in my heart, what a Mighty God we serve.

Just a pathway

It has been days am trying my very best to stay away from worries, thoughts and etc. Sometimes I try to run away from it, but I just can't. The Lord knew this how it's going to happen and allow it to happen for a reason. No matter how explainable it can be, yet I doubt. I went for the challenges of skytrex, honestly it was nerve cracking. I could feel the fear runs up to my spine. My hands just shiver and my legs just tremble. Once I thought how it feels like to fly on a plane, now i know how it feels like to fly in the sky up to 22 meters high I guess. It was a good distraction as the night before was the biggest decision I ever faced. I just cried in my heart asking how it can be? How it could be? And why? No answer to that and I couldn't answer myself. Only God knows the answer.

However, how much am sad about it, how much I don't feel good about it, I still have to accept it. The matter of fact that this is real. It was once real that I have loved one so much and still is, it is real that I have to let go. I am resting in the arms of the Lord to guard my heart, trying not to break down, trying to keep myself in pieces and FOCUS! I want to pick up the phone and call! I want to text or email or whatever but i I can't do it, Longing to talk but unable to do it. When it gets deeper, it is more hurt. Yup, indeed it is deep and I treasure it loads. So Rachel, keep yourself together. You once can, you can. :)

Listening to my parents voice make me wanna talk to them more but it's time for me to just work out my life on my own with God guiding me. Can't afford to make them worry anymore. Dad sometimes hinted me, r u ok? Anything? I know he knows cos am born of him. He knows his daughter in and out. That's why am glad to have my parents.

People say it's lucky to be lucky. But I dun think so. I believe the Lord guide me through this circumstances so that I can be better person. How much I can take it? Just trust and obey. I will be faithful in everything I do. The Lord once changed my life and I dun want to turn my back from Him.

Today in geriatric ward, a patient of mine made my day. He told me, "you're a very good girl from the first time I saw you, you're caring to your patient" and i thank God for the edifying remarks. It indeed brightens up my day. Without you Lord, I am nothing, use me as a vessel of Yours to shine your light upon others. He was a journalist from a Chinese newspaper and apparently he has been observing me. He was a nice person, hahaha old enuf to be my grandpa. He said you're still young, dun worry, you will have a good guy that will love you very much. Haha, I just smiled. Maybe the Lord is using Him to speak to me. To reassure my heart. That's all I wished for. Just peace, faith and reassurance. He was also very concerned man, always asked me to drink plenty of water. I always pacing up and down for the two bedridden patients I had in front of him. It was encouraging and inspiring. Elderly has loads of wisdom, just open your ears and listen. Am thankful for my day and glad for it. ^^

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

So I shall wait. I still remember one of my post on YES, WAIT and NO. Glad that the Holy Spirit guide my conscience and intuition all the time. Maybe, it is a gift. :)

Love,
Rachel ;)

Be joyful and I shall tear no more! :D

The Lord is my Shepherd

Will history repeats on its own? I pray hard that this history will not repeat itself, with all my hopes and faith that the Lord will deliver me from the evil. The Lord understands the turmoil in my unexpressed heart. Pray for the courage. Pray for the strength. Pray for the wisdom comes from my mouth. Lord, grant me peace in my heart. The truth will set me free. Let it be truth, let it be your will. As circumstances will not fail me and you never fail to love me for who I am. I just wanna be in your embrace and rest assured.

~Your little child~

God Is Able

God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things


Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able


God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things


Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able


God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us


Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able


For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able

There's hope beyond the night

'keeping myself together resting on the hope and promises the Lord has for her. Lord, you recognize her as your daughter, protect her from the harm of the evil. I am sorry if am not good enough for you, not good enough to be person that you can rely on. but you know that everyone cares for you. stay in the light, not in the darkness. He loves you for who you are and even who you have become. it's been tough, tears shed yet you still walk away. what can I do or pray that one day the Lord will come and stir your heart out. Everyday, I worry that one day you will walk away from us. I don't know what I can do to be good enough. Will keep you in prayer, girl. :'(

Heavenly Father,

As I come into your presence in awe and surrendering myself to you. Lord, I lift up my lil sister to you, Lord. Lord, you know what's best for her and for every reason that she is going through. Help me to continue to rest in faith inYou that everything will be alright, keep her safe in your arms, keep her safe at all times. Provide your covering protection upon her as she decides of who she is becoming. Lord, guide her pathways towards righteousness in You, Lord. Forgive her for she does not know what she is doing. Grant me the strength to guide her, grant me wisdom to speak, grant me hope to believe in her Lord. She was once a blessed and obedient child, forgive her for who she has become. Father in heaven, I also pray for daddy and mommy as they weep in their hearts for us. The worries in dad, the shaky voice of mom, Lord, grant them faith in believing that all things come for good. Let this tears be shed for the pain You shed more for us. Thank you, Lord. May the Holy Spirit dwell in us and guide us to do things all for the glory of God. All these I pray in Jesus most precious name, Amen.

By midnight, when the clock strikes 12

I will treasure this moment,
As it marks August 12th, 2011.


Blessed Anniversary, dear.
May the Lord guides us through and May we rest upon Him in time of  ups and downs. ^^



Lord,  he loves me and we are committed into a long distance relationship. I love him and I know this is reality and I need You by my side to guide  me through this relationship. I thought I slept and woke up with a dream and asking whether it is true. Yes, it is and You have heard my prayer. Guide me to be a women of faith. I pray that this relationship will honour and glorify You in righteousness.


We have been thru lots of obstacles and circumstances, I believe this had taught both of us to be a stronger person, to have faith, not to be weary.
After fasting/abstaining from each other for 1 and 1/2 years,
I know my dear is,
The one that can lead us to worship God and read bible together.
The one I love who loves You very much.
The one who loves his family very much.
The one who is faithful to me.
The one whom I shared most moments with.
The one that I want to count on.
The one that I want him to be in my heart.
The one that I want to hold his hands and walk with me.
The one that I have the key to his heart.
The one who will treasure me always no matter what.
The one who will support me through.
The one whom I will give support and serve You together.


I once wasn't ready and by God's grace, we waited for one another.
I once had that faith to wait, I shall continue waiting for the day when both of us can be in near distance one day. Cos I know what You have planned for me since I was born and everything we been through is for good.  So I will stand and walk by faith. As we continue to dwell in Your presence, Your love continues to overwhelm our hearts to continue to love each other too.


Lord, thank you... ^^ Kay Teck, my dear am thankful for having you in my life. You wanna be a good doctor and be more Christlike. You hoped and prayed that you will get a girl who loves who you are. And am grateful the person is me. ^^ We both hoped and prayed. August 12th will mark 2 years and 2 months! We may have fasted for the past 1 and 1/2 years, yet our hearts still faithful. And we will be faithful by God's grace.


Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors,
Lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one,
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

I shall mark these days!

Exactly around April or May 2009...it was a long awaiting journey... the Lord has seen us through our ups and down...we must thank the Lord for being with us this far and indeed grateful. 

Lord, continue to see us through, make us stronger and faithful in you and in us Lord. Amen. 

THE ROMANCE OF FASTING Have you ever been separated from a special loved one for a long period of time--or what seemed like a long period of time? Do you recall how it "hurt so good" to get a letter or a call during that time of separation? For a few precious moments it seemed as if your special someone was near, and that you were together once more. Then the letter or the call concluded, and the long wait to reconnect with your loved one began again. Although we belong to Jesus Christ; though He is our beloved and we are His, we are "separated" from Him by sin, by neglect, and by the cares of this world. We are "homesick" for Him in a way that is difficult to describe. John Piper calls fasting the "hunger of homesickness for God." Fasting is a discipline that woos us back into the romance of faith with our soon-to-return Bridegroom Jesus Christ. When we fast, competing suitors for the jealous love of Christ are revealed and destroyed. By abstaining from food for a period of time, the desire for it re-ignites our deeper hunger for the Bread of Life whose name is Jesus.

Matthew 4: 4

But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

A night of an answered prayer - May 1st, 2011

A night of togetherness - June 12th, 2011

Then....

It's August 4th. Another 8 days left,  as it marks we are together for

 2 years, 2 months. ^^

Unexpected Day

Need some distractions....


Heheee...


Let's see how far have I achieved:
Chapter 1 research - done
Chapter 2 research - done, waiting for final approval
Chapter 3 research - done, waiting for final approval
Research critique - done, editing to be done
Nursing Theories - untouch >>> now in progress
Ageing Issues among Elderly - in progress >>> done
Peer teaching plan - done, waiting for final approval
Clinical teaching plan - done, editing, soon larh!
Teaching E-draft 1 & 2 - done
Teaching hardcopy - 15th Aug
Research Proposal - 15th Aug
Research & Statistics on 16th Aug
Errands for all must be done by 19th Aug

*phew*

Really need some distraction...

Then....

Bought dinner from Indian Aunty, she gave me a *wink*. RM4.00, she whispered. Awww.... That's so nice of her. :))

Read an inspiration note from someone whom I don't know. *word* of encouragement. Awww... That feels so good. :))

Read my e-mail and made my day. <3. Awww... Thank you dear.

Isn't it good when no matter how tough it gets, there's something good that God will bless us with. Only if we look at the brighter side of the day. The light shines brighter during the time of darkness.

God is good all the time,

He put a song of praise in this heart of mine,

Through the darkness night,

His light will shine.

God is good all the time.

Let's make a difference

Hehe, yes. I made a change and this is it. ^^ Though it's stressful, spare some time to do something out of research, assignments, teaching plans, etc...etc..etc...

*phew*

Isaiah 40: 31

but those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength.

I will soar on wings like eagles;

I will run and not grow weary, 

I will walk and not be faint.

Be thou my vision, O Lord

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Adriel, u made my day!

Before leaving dad's car
Adriel: Bye bye bye.. *waving his hand towards me*
Me: Bye bye... * waved back*


I just stood there looking at him winding the window down.


Me: Bye bye Adriel! :D
Adriel: Bye bye... *quickly wind the window up*


I thought he misses me, but in the same time he is shoo-ing me.. hahahaha...
I love you!

Rae's Back!

Hahaha.. It's been awhile I have been posting up blog. Perhaps, it's the time and passion factor! I only blog when ever needed. I strongly needed it for now.


Now, am in semester 5 postings. Labour ward?? Tell me about it. Hahaha... it's the BEST EVER! seriously, honestly i indeed enjoyed my time. Despite starvation and thirst, i loved it. On the first day, 2pm sharp I reported myself to the Labour ward, there was a labour going on too. That was my very first Delivery experience. Initially, I don't know what to expect, I was kinda blur but excited too. I felt my peripherals were cold, heart palpitated really fast, legs are shaken by the chills in my body. I salutes these moms and including all moms in the world who gone through this stage of life, LABOUR ACTIVE PHASE!


Imagine you wake up in the morning at 4 am, felt strong contractions over your belly and guess what? ooopppsss.. I think my water broke. I think I am going to give birth. Actually that's just the beginning. Our impression, water broke means time of birth. However, there's still more to wait. Every mom with water broke, still have to wait for cervical dilation. And every centimetres takes about an hour. Total full dilation is 10 cm. So, perhaps 10 hours at least! If fortunate, might be earlier. If unfortunate, later then. :) Mom who thinks they gonna deliver wouldn't have appetite to eat neither to drink. Meanwhile, they also have to NPO ( nil per oral). That made them weaker and more lethargic. Every 10 mins, contractions maybe mild or severe for at least 2- 4 times. Once severe, it feels like your belly hardening and you'll feel like you're gonna have a bad bad constipation. (bearing down feeling) . 10 hours plus of waiting, 10 mins every contraction, mommy, you surely very tired right? That's so TRUE. During delivery, the head is the biggest circumference for expulsion. Moms need to really take deep breath, and push in one strength! One strength! And it's really tough. Once baby's head is out, no worries. It would be easier then. Some mom will just fall asleep or faint because of extreme fatigue.


Hey guys, this experience I shared it's not to scare your heart out but to share with you guys how important to treasure our moms. They may say it's painful, and it's seriously indeed painful from the back of the spine!! They resisted the pain for us to make sure we step into this world and to feel the world, to experience the colours of the world. Why women have to suffer so much? Man also have to suffer to earn the living! God has a planned for every man and woman. Instead of complaining of troubles and problems, learn to submit our difficulties unto Him. Only by faith through Lord Jesus Christ! When mom holds a baby, love starts overflowing and joy filled in the air. Just like how Jesus hold us, we are filled with the Holy Spirit in us and in the covering of God.


May the Lord continue bless those blessed moms and babies. You're indeed the child of God. Jesus is the same Today, Yesterday and Forever!


Rae smiling out!

Reminiscence of Nurses Day

Ah.haha.. it's kinda late to post up blog about nurses day. just recap, it's just a reminder to appreciate the nurses and to allow nurses to reflect on themselves too.. :) simple & sweet. the day was so huge. all of us went through the hassle of preparation despite having assignments and clinical areas. our shifts are different yet we still made time to get together to get things settled. I believe by God's grace, He has grant us strength and wisdom to plan and guess what? it went so well that I just wanna tear. the decoration was awesome, roses were dying yet still surviving. some even was "wounded" with micropore. Haha! Nurses best friend quoted Calvin Tie. The banner, the back drop, balloons, and kolam too. Many was attracted towards the kolam. It was really a big day for us. We had many VIPs and even our perceptors. Puan Kasma, our baju melayu and baju kedah sponsor. She might be thinking of opening a boutique. *who knows, heheheee* Till now, i still cherish the joy and happiness we shared among ourselves. we are also happy that other batches join us to make the event more merrier. the sweat is worth it. in everything, give thanks. :) sliding photos..... ^__^

You're BEAUTIFUL!

the making of KOLAM ^^

yummy cake from Prof. Peter

My dearest NU108

We are Nurses!

Pure Submission

What causes fights and quarrels among you? 
Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
You want something but don't get it. 
You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. 
You quarrel and fight. 
You do not have, because you do not ask God.
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.


You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God?
Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely. 
But he gives us more grace. That is why the Scriptures says:
"God opposes the PROUD but gives GRACE to the HUMBLE.


Submit yourselves, then to God. 
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Come near to God and he will come near to you.
Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you DOUBLE-MINDED.
Grieve, mourn and wail.
Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. 


Brothers, do not slander one another.
Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. 
When you judges the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. 
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy.
But you- who are you to judge your neighbour?


I read this chapter and made me realised how important is submission towards God. taken from James chapter 4

God is Here

I was reading through three subjects; haemopoietic, endocrine and community health, really placed my brain into 'clotting moments'. My hands are tremor-ing, heart is palpitating, left eye is twitching, mind is tiring out, emotions storing in limbic system and crying out loud, "EOS 4 is killing me". I am supposed to finish the remainings of haemopoetic, well am trying to... :( isn't easy you know to be a nursing student? hahaha..but God is merciful to me. He has walked me through this valley of darkness and shines His Light upon me to see the fullness of life. Just wanna the Holy Spirit to fill up my life with wondorous love, peace and joy. Amen. Amen. Amen. I went through my album collections and found Abundant Life in England. Hmmm.. I didn't download it so I was wondering what were the songs inside. Found this powerful song... keep pushing on, Rae!

In Your presence there is fullness of life
Healing flowing for body soul and mind
God of the impossible, God of miracles is here

God is here let the broken-hearted rejoice
God is here let the sick say I am well
God is here let the weak say I am strong
God is here

In Your presence there is perfect peace
And in stillness I behold Your deity
God of wonders, God of power is here

His wonders to perform

Oh His wonders yes His wonders
His wonders to perform
Oh His wonders yes His wonders
His wonders to perform

The End is the Beginning

Finally, am done with sem 4 hospital attachment. Been through all kinds of circumstances and obstacles. i had learnt the greatest experience and grasped the best knowledge. Well, the key of success is being humble and teachable. it's hard when someone tries to stand up for what they think is correct but it isn't. it's just plain ego. rather hard to see patient who has to suffer so much. but tried our best and that's all we can do. a bin of stress and a cup of relaxation? i wish for serenity and peace. imagine? climbing up to the highest summit of the mountain, walking along the greeneries, staring at the high clouds, appreciating the nature's beauty, breathing through the fresh breeze and chatting with your loved ones on the peak? Such a beautiful date... :) it only happens within my wild imagination. :P


today, it's the final day. went out with friends for karaoke. They sang some chinese songs. Banana won't understand a thing. just can be a bad back-up singer. :p heeeee.. i sang a few songs like The Climb, It's My Life and I don't wanna Miss A thing! Wow.. love these songs. really made me sing my lungs out. I felt so much relieved after despite knowing i will be down with sore throat. two days back, i was down with H1N1 vaccination side effects. had muscle ache and swelling, full body ache and fever. i felt chilly on the outside and hot on the inside. couldn't sleep till 2 am. took 2 paracetamol and felt better after an hour or two. Thank God. then, we played badminton. wow.. it has been ages i have not touch badminton racket. today reminds me during my school days. really miss my frens and the fun we had.


came back home and saw the house is so dirty. everyone has gone home. started spring cleaning. clean here, clean there. i would not let GO a single speck of dust or dirt. heheee... when it's done, am so satisfied. Thank God for the strength You've given unto me. without you, am nothing. Well, posting ended. have to look forward for finals, EOS 4~ all the best to my batchmates and those who are going for exams soon too. May the Lord grant you all wisdom, knowledge and understanding during your exams. Amen.


Rae tiring out...

Complete in You

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice, my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord.
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in..

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

Reach homes with a smile

Well, am still in surgical ward. 3 more weeks of posting + review week = EOS 4. I haven't studied much tho. I felt much satisfied with what i have done for my patient. Mr. T has been bedridden for a month and yet to move any of his upper and lower limbs. On the first day in surgical, me and calvin did bed bath for him. Honestly, we're quite rough though. Maybe that's what happens when we're in uniform. We just wanna see him get up and walk. it's pointless to see him bedridden for long. won't do any good to him too. we always ask him to move his limbs even he complained of pain and his uncomfortable facial grimaces. Not that i don't care about his pain, but i care more about his mobility. After days of so called "rehab", finally he is able to go toilet for bath. seriously, i feel great and glad that he finally took the steps to move out oh his "rehab" boundaries. He also was on ryle's tube for a month, and i encouraged him to have it orally. Yes! He did it. And today I get him to eat bread and milk. At first, staff nurse hesitated, but i insisted that he can eat soft food. Yes! he did it again! I have been seeing improvement in him day by day. Only hope can bring joy into our lives. happy is temporarily but joy is forever. that's was the day. Then, i reached my temporary home with a smile and joy of satisfaction.


I left my hp at home and look into my phone. 2 missed calls and 1 message received. All of it from dad. I guess he has something urgent. it was. "Grand uncle passed away this morning". I quickly called back. dad seems relieved. We were worried before. Cos we just met him during chinese new year and we're planning to visit him again. But it's too late. He was in pain and weak. He went into coma this morning before he left peacefully into the arms of the Lord. We ministered to him in malacca during cny and assured him about his salvation. My feelings are numb but i know he is safe now. Aunt Magdalene told dad that he smiled and held her hand before he left. they also prayed with him the sinner's prayer before he breathe the last breath. He reached his eternal home with a smile and assurance of salvation.


Father in Heaven, thank you for grace and mercies you pour out unto us who are once sinners. every sin that i made, i confess and repent. help me to learn more about you and help me to be teachable. Let your light resemblance onto me. recognise me as your child, Lord. remember me, Lord. teach me to do only Your will, Father. In Jesus name, amen

Back from hectic ward to comfortable home!

Finished outpatient department and now on surgical ward. Hmmm, kinda stress at some point in surgical ward. I had a patient who needed trachy suctioning, trachy dressing, bed bath, sacral dressing at the same time. Wow... really made me work like mad. I kept sweating till I had eczema on my skin. Too sensitive skin edi. Pimples keep poping up too. I told koh koh about my pimples popping. Obviously, surely about water, food and environment factors la! Hahahaa... i did reduce on protein cause it's kinda expensive to have meat in my meal. perhaps, once a while its okay la. even koh said eat more protein. then, i managed to do removal of stapler after laparotomy! finally! I am so happy! I have been waiting since semester 2, didn't had the chance but now, fuh.... hehehee... But i did it with a traditional stapler remover which hurts my fingers. I have to use both hands to remove the staplers at the abdomen. I think I was kinda improffesional in a way.. But no other options.. I was really sweating badly till joan has to wipe my sweat for me. Felt like am in OT pulak. hahahaha...

Anyway, am back home.. relax and chill.. taught my younger brother, brought him to the playground, fed him with my very own cooking.. hehee... Wanna see photos?

This is my very own mashed potatoes balls with spring onion. I don't know why I made it, but I just make it. XD I didn't get to make the sauce cos there's no mushroom. After making into balls, I steamed for awhile.. Daddy loves potatoes so he ate 1/2 of it. ^^

This is spicy, sweet and sour tomatoes chicken with prawn. I guess it's too red. But it isn't so spicy cos red chillies are so mild. Should've use chili padi, but daddy can't take it. Hehee.. :)

This is steamed egg with spring onion and red chillies. It's a bit too salty due to my coordination faulty. Hahaha.. Like kiam egg edi..

Tada! Adriel's favourite dish. Stir fry spinach with anchovies and prawn. Mum and Julia loves prawn. Me too actually. Just simply add in. Quite cheap though. Went to Giant and got RM9 per kg. Worth it!

The vegetable that will make you fart. That's why colostomy patient have to eat less of it. :) That's the final dish. I forgot about my wan tan soup... it's ok lar..

I told koh koh that I cooked today. He asked me to send it over. Hahahaha.. all the way to segamat mea..he must be drooling when i told him. =P

Till then...

The Climb'10th April 2010

The day starts with a cats and dogs showering over the Seremban town. We've longing to climb mountain with rain and our wish has been granted. In fact, we thought Jelebu is the driest land ever in Malaysia. I doubt the fact whether it was dry cos it was raining pretty heavily too. Thankfully we have the pros with us, the so called mountainers..hahahaa... They are at the age of 60s, guess what? They are really highly stamina and good in climbing. Uncle Lai has been with me most of the time. I was in the first batch but I was too caught in my own world looking and kpc-ing around with the scenery. Hahaha.. I am left behind again.. :( but it's ok..I wish I had my camera with me, but aawww... Just hope it stays in my mind.. Then, Uncle Lai stayed with me even though I am slow. I guess that's how a mountainers should be. Supporting and encouraging the beginners. So far I climbed 2 mountains before Gunung Angsi which was Klang Gates and Gunung Datok. Uncle Lai said Gunung Datok is the toughest of all as it has a lot of rocks and slippery ground. Tell me about it? I fell on my bumps quite a number of times and with leeches crawling on my skin. However, Gunung Angsi is not as challenging but it has lots of great scenery though.

I seen beautiful yellow flowers, green fruits on the ground, ling zhi mushrooms, orangy oyster mushroom and some weird mushroom grows in row on the branches.. I just can't describe the beauty of God's creation. When I was in my thoughts, how I wish I could have a in built rainforest surrounding my dream home. Well, there's sure lots of mosquitoes but I think it would be nice. Even a just a garden, it's also sufficient. This reminds me of the security we find ourselves with God and heaven. Just like Psalm 23. You'll have peace and light glow in our resemblance. Michelle did took some photos, I just hope I get to see it soon.. Hehehee...

I also got bitten by a leech when I reached the summit. Hahahaha..it bite my ankle area, it keeps bleeding and bleeding. Nothing I can't do to stop the bleeding. I just felt an itch and it just bleed... Then, my batchmates were teasing me that I need "blood transfusion", "it's emergency". Michelle also got one too. Uncle said, just one bite and 9 nurses looking into it. Hahahaha..XD I guess that's how nurses are. We start swabbing our wound with alcohol swabs and plastering it. :)

Soon after that, we went down and surprisingly I didn't fell on my bumps this time. Maybe because of my shoes with a better grip. heheee... thank God, my shoes are not spoiled. It shows I bought the right shoes. :) fuh....Then, we proceed to makan time and I had duck rice, cost me only RM3! I chuak there... the lady has to repeat herself RM3 gal... I didn't expect it can be that cheap ma.. Who knows? Prices are raising up right? I am kinda cheapo in handling my savings now. Gonna pokai if I don't control myself. :P

It chills~~ *winks*

My Beloved tour guide~ :)

Then, to Hutan Lipur Jeram Toi for waterfall! wow... really chills your nerves up wei... it was my second time going to waterfall. The first time was in Bekuk, Johor. That time I was supposed to do my biology project during my form 6. I think Bekuk is better cos the water and air is cleaner and fresher. Jeram Toi is rather polluted and the people loves to smoke. Haih.. I develop skin rash right after that... I still get into the water though I can't swim and have sensitive skin. It's fun!!! Not sure when can I experience this again. After all the adventures, I realised I really like adventure and hard core stuff. Not the kind of girl who loves make up and fashion. Hmmmmpppmmh.. Just glad and happy to be Myself that God has created me as ME. Heheeee.

Rae checking out~~~~~

A thought that comes

A shout out for my long lost friend,
Glad and happy you have found the one who will spend the rest of her life with you. God has blessed you with wonderful grace and mercies. Life is just once on earth and the rest we place it in heaven. Bad things will come to an end as you place your trust in His name. As you embark yourself towards greater journey, allow Him to guide your pathways and lead you the choice you made. There is no rewinding but forwarding... Love endures forever~~~

Malacca Trip'15th March 2010

Great day indeed. Well, I guess I gained pretty lots of weight since I am in Seremban. I created my own instant food yet it's healthy for my meals. Am surprised that I am back on cooking. Heheee... Most importantly, CINCALUK! Duh.. quoted by Maria Ng Sau Sim.. Just enjoyed being with her and her "duh" all the time. Hahahaha!! What did I cook?

Ingredients:
Chopped garlic
Spring onion (as u wish)
A few slice of cabbage
White oyster mushroom
Anchovies
Tang Hoon
Egg (as preferred)
Dried fucuk
Cincaluk

This is how it goes.. Mummy said I have to soak the tang hoon with hot water for about 10 minutes so that it won't stick to each other and allow it to expand. Then, I stirred fry all the ingredient together with cincaluk. Add some water to make it likea soup or gravy. Add the soaked tang hoon into the wok and let it stew for awhile. Put the egg at last if u want it to be in shaped or half-cooked. I love half-cooked yolk. Hehehe..... Though some may think it's smells like sulfur! hahaha.. TADA! That's it. As usual, I always cook for two people because of my poor estimation. I shared with maria, malathi, prav and vale and they said it's really nice. :) Maria even said I can be a good mum someday. SOLI, no photos cos my camera isn't with me. But I guess u can try it out, and  you can see results then.

Below are the photos when I am on Malacca Jom Makan:

You! Boom-cha! XD

Melaka River

Makan time in Portugese Settlement. We had so called lala but for portugese, it's Lala is Oyster! Then, we had portugese baked sting ray, chilli crab, kailan and butter scallops. Yum Yum~~~

Till then... So long... Just keep eating.. Just keep eating.. heheee..

Eye & ENT

It has been a week am posted in Tuanku Ja'afar, Seremban. It is quite interesting and exciting for a new start though. Basically not many cases but mostly are cataract, glaucoma, corneal ulcer and such. The patients here are also friendly and teachable. I am in the same group with hooi ting, joan and calvin. Hahahaa XD... I am with Calvin for 3 semesters! Wow.... Why ah?? hmmmm... (360 degrees). I enjoyed working with them so far. I feel so much happier and joyful being with them. With the lame jokes and teasing each other in the ward. And even patients smile when seeing us smiling. I guess that's how it should be in the ward. NEVER allow them to have "papaya" faces. They gotta be encouraged and that's what NURSES should do! I learnt a lot from how the patient look, act and behave in front of me. I am glad they like us and enjoyed our company. Heheeee... It's definitely a PLUS you know?

One day, I picked up a call from the anaesthetic  doctor and was slightly harsh towards me. Maybe I introduced myself a student nurse so maybe that's the reason. Perhaps, they're rather busy and wouldn't wanna waste so much time. Jo and I started a joke, .: STUCK UP:. Well, it just between us only. It keeps on our mind to be humble and kind to people. Any moment Jo, Cal, HT or even myself tries to be perasan or unintentionally not humble, we'll just say to each other, "stuck up, ppl". Hahahaa... XD We will just laugh over it and remind ourselves to always be humble. As we humble ourselves, we can learn and be more teachable. Just like Dr. Sheila said in CF S'ban the other day about Be faithful in every little things. This is also mean that we appreciate every talent that God has blessed us with. So being teachable is also a gift. I am sure I wanna be teachable too. :)

That's what friends are for. To keep ourselves on the right track as they correct you. Friends who compromise does not help but put us into danger. I am glad for the people around me. God is really been good to me! :)

Embarked Into Needy Ones

This is rather a late post but gonna post it anyway. My lecturer arranged a wonderful visitation to the MAB and NKF. Hahaha.. just in case you don't know what is it, let me drop a little information into your neurons! :)
MAB stands for Malaysian Blind Association whereas NKF stands for National Kidney Foundation. Well, it was included in our lecture hours cos we're in semester 4 and we're studying Eye & ENT and Renal. As well as Integumentary, Haemopoietic and Endocrine. Hahahaha.. sorry for the medical jargon people! forgive me k. :)

We visited the place along with Ms. Kavitha and Ms. Inthira. We had a great time. We get to see the chief deputy of the organisation, Mr. Godfrey. He was really friendly and nice person. Through him, I have learned a lot about the blind and how much they have to go through in their life. Imagine we have eyes, but we see things that we shouldn't see and such? Teenagers nowadays are indulging into abusing their sight through unhealthy stuff. well, I wouldn't want to mention but I know everyone are aware about it. He was born prematurely and was given saturation oxygen. This has affect his sight and he has premature retinopathy. I would pity him at one moment, but another moment I could see his determination and strength that is in him. I know I shouldn't pity cos they wouldn't want us to think so too. He really live his life to the fullest. He is very successful person yet he still come back to MAB to serve them. *salutes*

Then, we visited a couple of places there. The IT center where they trained low vision people to learn to use the computer. Ah huh! The screen resolution was super duper big!!! I finally knew that there's people has low vision. When I was younger, I was always thought there's people with sight or no sight. I guess I'm rather too innocent. Hahahaha... XD Following that, we went to the social skills room. They teach them how to communicate and use Braille. Well, it's good for them cos they don't know how is like in the outside world. It is to prepare them mentally and physically before they live independently. Then, we went to the children center. I couldn't stand the tears in my heart seeing the children suffer so much. One of the child, Adam reminds me of Adriel. But Adriel is more fortunate than him. He couldn't see and hyperactive as well. However, he responds when I spoke to him. We seems to be able to cling together. I have a lot passion towards young minds like them. But one touches my heart is when I have to leave the place. Adam held my hand and wouldn't let me go. *sobs....* He touched the deepest part of my heart. But to make it no so obvious, I joked to his mum, "saya bawa Adam balik la k". His mum just smiled at my joke. I could see in her eyes the tough times she going through. I just pray that she will be comforted and watched over.

Hmmm... then we move along to the NKF. Nothing much cos not many patients and we're just allowed to visit for awhile and mainly just to see the machines! issshhh.. I thought I could spend some time with the patients and chit chat. Hahaha.. XD that's what I always do when I am in the ward. Especially when I have nothing to do! seriously, I would find something to do. I think that's why I also always work OT a lot.

Honestly, I have great experience learning through other people's experience. I like the way Calvin said. "hey, it's school trip time, prepare water tumbler k". It does reminds me when I was young, go for trips and learn something new. It was really great for a 22 year old like me. I will never admit old cos I will always want to have a young mind and heart. If Mr Godfrey can say 61 years old is young, so am I! heheeee.... :P

Marchiee Birthday~

Yesterday, my batchmates celebrated my birthday along with Maria and Eyvonne. It was a surprise cos I never expected. Hooi Ting just asked me whether I wanna go for dinner or not? But at the same time I wasn't really hungry. Then, she said I will be hungry after 3 hours. Hahaha.. She seems to know the physiological part of my tummy ooo.. Surprisingly, all of them came along for dinner except for Chucky. I had spicy grilled chicken chop + cucumber lime juice. I was checking my wallet just in case I have sufficient money to eat. We had a great time together and they also bought a cake for us the TRIO. Koh Koh gave me a camera and I did make full use out of it. hehee.. fortunately, I always carry it along with me.

Before, during and after were just photoshooting... I guess my interest towards photography has becoming deeper. :) Caryi even asked me to join the photography club to sharpen my skils.. hehee...:P

So called the "farmer's  family" quoted by Malathi XD

Mal and Prav with their portugese baked cheese chicken rice... (such a long name)

The Marchiee Trio

Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Maria, Eyvonne and Me... :)
Am just too happy that God has blessed me with great family and friends. I am truly blessed!

Well, after celebration we had our finale photo together.

Guess what? I got an "accidental prank" from my batchmates. Well, they didn't have intention to do it but it happens so naturally. At first, I walked to Hooi Ting car to get my umbrella. I was thinking I could follow Michelle's car to go back home. Hahahaha.. guess what? While I was walking back, Michelle started driving off. So I said to myself, it's okay. I can follow Hooi Ting's car then. But unfortunately, before I could say or do anything, Hooi Ting just drove pass me with a "bye" wave. (she didn't realised I was LEFT BEHIND). As usual with my blur state, I also waved back to her. Then, I realised I am LEFT BEHIND. So then I called Malathi and said, Oi, I am still here le! They all started laughing... At that moment I was thinking was it a prank on me? But I don't think they're such people la! :) So Malathi said she'll send someone to "save" me. hahahaaa..LOL... I was laughing to myself too. However, it wasn't for long till I see 3 big and fat rats in front of me. I wanted to scream but I just held it in. It was really huge man. I was thinking to take a picture but my camera battery ko edi. Michelle came and picked me up, and we're laughing non-stop in the car. XD

Honestly, it was the greatest unforgettable memory ever! 

Thanks to my dearest N108! I love you guys. You guys pops and rocks~ *group hugs*

Sincerely from the deepest down of Rae's heart~